((Moving))
Creepypasta Reviews 11: Happy Appy (Part 1)
Anyway, I haven't forgotten about you all. I was looking up some fanfic MSTs on Das Sporking the other day and it reminded how much fun this was. So, just in time for Halloween, I give you my first creepypasta review in a year.
Okay, so before we start, it's story time! This is not only a bad creepypasta. This is FUCKING HUGE bad creepypasta. I mean, it's so huge that I have to split the file into pieces on St.ash because the program is having a fit and saying that there's too much there to save into a single file.
And they all died. The end. Story time over.
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February 23rd, 2011
Hello. I will be writing on this blog because I am researching a show called Happy Appy. One of the main reasons why I'm researching this show is because I've been fascinated with missing TV shows, episodes, and movies. Like most people who research missing episodes, I'm hell-bent on finding London after Midnight, the 108 missing Doctor Who episodes, and Him, the 1974 film where a man has a sexual obsession with Jesus. Even though I should help the search for any fragment of the missing episodes and films, I'm going to research this one series for now.
Okay, I'm going to start on a bit of a positive note and give the author props for actually mentioning "London After Midnight". At least (s)he did a little research and found a film that actually is labeled "missing". By the way, that status is really fucking unfortunate, because I really want to watch it... *loud peeved Lon Cheny PTO fan sounds*
Also there ARE missing Doctor Who episodes. A quick Google search tells me that there were exactly 108 of them. They went missing because BBC had a habit of saving space by deleting unneeded video. Currently, some have been tracked down and there are now only 97 missing episodes. I'm guessing that since this is the case, "finding" these episodes is be a matter of tracking down someone who recorded them.
"Him" is another real missing film. Though honestly, it's beyond me why you'd ever want to find it. It's just porn apparently. Gay porn. It was also labeled the "most unerotic concept in pornography". So there you go. It was made to turn you on, and it couldn't even do that. Maybe it should stay lost.
Research is Boring: -1
The problem I have with this is that it's supposed to be a blog excerpt. He goes into all this detail about some really famous missing pieces of film, but shouldn't people interested in the subject already know about these? Why explain it then? Or better yet, why explain it and then tell us that you're not going to talk about it. That was a colossal waste of time.
Maybe this could be how a real person writes their blog. I mean, it's not a newspaper or some other type of professional writing, so my suspension of disbelief extends a bit further. However, I really have a feeling that if someone was going to post about Happy Appy, they'd start off the post actually talking about the show and put all this other stuff in a separate, introductory post or their blog's description.
Another reason I want to research this show is because I had an experience with it around 2001.
It kind of bugs me that he's mentioned this show twice, but has yet to tell us what show he's researching. I feel like that's something you'd mention in the first paragraph of the post, if not the first sentence. Or maybe simply title the post "Happy Appy". Then the readers know what you're reviewing from the get-go.
These posts have no titles. Only dates. If you ask me, that's pretty unrealistic for a blogger because a blogger wants to hold their audience. If they have the potential to review several series at a time, or in this case, another series in the future, they're going to want to make sure one post doesn't run into another with nothing to distinguish them.
The fact that this distinction is not made makes this read like the author KNEW that this would be the only series he'd review. That's really not good, because this is supposed to be a person who doesn't know what he's getting into.
It was around eight in the morning. My younger brother, who was seven, was watching a local station during its child TV show block. After a dubbed over Blue's Clues, it started to air a show called Счастливые Яблоко, or Happy Apple.
Okay, does this take place in Russia? The country was never specified. If it doesn't, I have trouble believing that the Russian title was displayed on the screen in America. I also don't believe that the author would remember the Russian Title with exact spelling after all these years.
However, I'm going to let it slide and assume it does since he mentioned a "dubbed over Blues Clues". It's not fabulous writing, but there are at least some context clues for me to follow.
Google tells me that the author did get this right if they intended for it to take place in Russia. Russia does get Nickelodeon. The country should have been getting Nick at the time this was written, so props for doing some research. Or living in Russia. Either one.
Research is Boring: -2
I can barely remember the episode’s plot, but it was about this apple who was trying to help a kid, named Nathaniel. It felt sort of low-budget, but since my brother liked the episode, I didn't mind him watching it. The only thing that made me dubious was this evil smile that the apple did in the middle of the episode.
"I WANT YOUR SOUL!"
From what I gathered, in the first weeks of Noggin’s existence, this "Happy Appy" show began production. Its plot was about a giant clay apple with arms, baby blue eyes, and large dark green lips being held up by a bent, rusty stick.
And then they wondered why the ratings were awful.
He would go around in a white 1996 Ford Windstar helping children when they got injured. As the show kept going, the episodes started to become more unusual. For one example, Happy Appy would often stare at the viewers of the show with a deranged smile.
And nobody at the company said "hey this is fucked up and will give kids nightmares"?
Also, that's a pretty old car considering that Noggin started in 2002. Now, I know people tend to keep cars for a long time because they're expensive, but you'd think that if the show began production in 2002, they'd give their character something more modern.
That is, if it was branded at all. Brands in cartoons are usually parodies of existing brands like "happy-Os" or "Mountain Thunder". I'm having a bit of trouble believing that they'd include such a specific brand and model of car in this show.
The author was maybe trying to be "spooky" because this particular model was recalled. The question is, who the hell would know that without looking it up?
Or maybe because it's a white van. That seems like the more likely reason. So congrats, if you didn't do the research, your monster is driving a defective van. I hope to god his brakes go out rolling down a hill at seventy.
It’s also worth mentioning that the series slowly got more violent as the series progressed.
Because it's not like censors look over people's shoulders every two seconds. This was 2002. I think censorship was probably starting to get a little heavier by this time.
Happy Appy was one of the shorter shows on Noggin, with every episode being 10 minutes long at the most. They played in duets, making each full episode 20 minutes long, minus commercials. A couple of months after Happy Appy aired its first episode, Nickelodeon cancelled the show, and it was never shown again on Noggin or Nick Jr.
SEE CENSORSHIP!
Who the fuck thought this show was a good idea in the first place? "Yeah, a killer apple puppet on a rusty stick? We can totally get this put into production!" Come on! This show was literally BEGGING to be yanked off the air.
Even the much more appropriate episodes weren't shown for whatever reason.
Because it was basically a show about a guy who drove around in a white van and approached small children?
However, some parents did record the show, but they were VHS copies.
WHAT--? I--? WHY--!?
I feel like any parent who saw this would forbid their kid to watch it!
Of those said VHS copies, only a few survived through the years.
Damn kids kept putting magnets on them.
Many of the tapes had been destroyed either due to neglect or disgust,
Which makes you wonder WHY THEY WERE RECORDED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
or were simply misplaced and thrown out by accident.
By "accident".
However, some copies of the show were reportedly stolen by a shadowy figure.
I'm really trying to take this sentence seriously. It's not working.
I was one of the lucky people to own a copy of the episodes. Yesterday, when I did some winter cleaning, I found an old DVD with ‘H.A. Episodes’ written on it.
OH SO ACCORDING TO YOU ALL THE EPISODES WERE TAPED, BUT YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE A DVD COPY! LOOK AT THE LOGIC! LOOK AT THE CONTINUITY! LOOK AT IT!
I had a feeling that I knew this abbreviation from somewhere, I did some research on what the H.A. meant. My first choice was the forum about missing episodes/films that I normally go to.
Why? Why would you automatically assume that this was a "missing" film? I mean, you don't even WATCH it before you go to look it up. H.A. could stand for anything. It could be Home Air-conditioning. An instructional video for how to set up your AC. It could be Holiday Adventures. A home movie made and then transferred to a blank DVD. It could be Happy Asshole. A porn video.
I find rare, missing pieces of film laying around my house all the time! They rain down on my head whenever I open my closet! Don't you just hate it when everything falls out of your closet? 
THEY'RE GOING TO THE CLOSET TO GRAB THEIR STUFF AND SPLIT--!
Now THAT was a kid's show worth tracking down.
When I entered the missing episode section of the forum, the first thread I saw was one named "HA? What's this?" A woman posted the thread, who had, like me, found a VHS with the initials "HA" on it.
WHAT A FUCKING COINCIDENCE! IT'S ALMOST LIKE THE PLOT DEMANDED IT!
As I read the thread more, I found out that the initials on the disc stood for Happy Appy.
Which was a shame, because he was really horny and was looking forward to "Happy Asshole".
This instantly reminded me of the weird low-budget show that I watched with my brother in 2000. In the replies, the users claimed that there are no known DVD copies around.
WAIT HOW THE FUCK DID YOU WATCH IT ON NOGGIN IN 2000!? NOGGIN WAS FORMED IN 2002! THAT'S IT! EVERY POINT I GAVE YOU FOR DOING RESEARCH IS RETRACTED!
Research is Boring: 1
I'm not sure how the disc got there, though. I certainly don't remember owning a disc that looked like it!
Considering the author never describes the disc, I'm picturing a blank case with H.A. written on it in Sharpie. It sounds like a reasonable conclusion to come to. If that's the case than REALLY? You're into rare films and you don't own ONE disc that's not in it's original packaging!?
After viewing the thread, I went ahead and put it into the disk drive, hoping that it would work. Thankfully, the disc did work, and it instantly cut to the intros of the episode, no menus or anything.
Because it really was porn. He just forgot he had it.
Happy Appy's intro song had the same tune as Mary Had a Little Lamb, and went something like this.
Happy Appy Appy App,
Happy App, Happy App
Happy Appy Appy App,
He helps kids all day!
Happy Appy Appy App,
Happy App, Happy App
Happy Appy Appy App,
He helps kids all day!
Happy Appy Appy App,
Happy App, Happy App
Happy Appy Appy App,
He helps kids all day!
Well now we know why it was cancelled. It wasn't the violent imagery or the ridiculous conclusion this pasta has. Someone put a bullet in their skull so they wouldn't have to listen to this god-awful excuse for a song anymore!
This is how they should torture people. Just put this on an endless loop.
I mean, I've heard some pretty bad theme songs, but even the theme songs for the WORST shows tend to have more diverse lyrics than this! Hell, BARNEY has more diverse lyrics than this!
Episode 1 and 2 were called “Happy's Vacation” and “Hurt Happy”, respectively.
Man, I really do want to hurt happy. How did you know?
Happy's Vacation was exactly what you’d expect; Happy Appy goes on a vacation to the beach, heals injured kids, and even talks down a bully into not hurting a child. Hurt Happy was about Happy's stick getting broken, and the kids teaming up to help Happy Appy by giving him bandages and fruit.
Fruit heals everything. Trust me. I'm a doctor.
Nothing seemed out-of-place when I first saw it, but when I saw it a second time, the episodes looked questionably odd. When Happy was driving his van to the beach in Happy's Vacation, a few seconds skipped. At first, I ignored it, saying that it could be a scratched DVD. But when I checked the disc, it had no scratches on it whatsoever. Also, during the fruit scene in Hurt Happy, the kids gave him an apple for whatever reason. It could have been a mistake by the producers, though.
Oh honey, this entire show was a mistake made by the producers.
Finally, I noticed some things in Hurt Happy that looked out-of-place.
In addition to the ones you already noticed?
In Happy's van during the intro of Happy's Vacation, there was what looked like the border of the HOPE poster, but it was so out of frame that it could have been something else. At the end of Hurt Happy, there was a news broadcast about a 9.0 earthquake that recently struck Japan. Happy responded "Oh no! If you want to help the Japanese, call this number!" and a 1-800 number appeared.
You said that you didn't notice these things until your second viewing. You must've gotten up to take a whiz if you didn't notice something that was BLATANTLY STATED.
I thought those were just coincidental.
Just a glitch.
Well, I was wrong. Episodes 3 and 4 were stranger. The intros of these two episodes were removed,
but I found out that Episode 4's name was "Nate Needs Help". This struck out to me because this was the very same episode I saw with my brother, but in English!
Why did that strike you as odd? Were you astounded that the episode you saw EXISTED? Given all the other stupidity I've seen here, it wouldn't surprise me.
Episodes 3 and 4 were missing a few scenes, and, overall, more disturbing than the first two. On Episode 3 - near the 5:10 mark - is when Happy Appy does his first evil smile for 25 seconds.
That was a long-ass smile. He just sits there and smiles for like, half a minute. Were the people in charge of airing this show too lazy to watch three ten-minute episodes? If they had actually REVIEWED the entire season before airing it, it never would've made the cut.
A scene that could send chills down anyone's spine was the Boo-boo part in "Nate Needs Help".
You know what else could send chills down anyone's spine? The "don't let your eyes wander beyond the edge of this page" thing from House of Leaves. I'd much rather be reading that right now.
Happy aids Nate, who has a bruise on his knee. He looks to the camera, giving off the same evil smile that I remember from 2000, and says "What does Nate need for this booboo?” For 30 seconds, he stared at the camera, motionless, with his soulless baby blue eyes locking on to anyone watching.
So the author assumed that there was a glitch in the disc itself and that it was frozen. That's happened to me before with brand new movies straight out of the box. It's not that uncommon and it's logical to assume.
Finally, he broke the silence by saying "That's right, a bandage!" Why did he need that long to speak, I will never know.
Because the animator suffered a fatal heart attack.
Also, the out-of-place objects were getting more noticeable. In Nate Needs Help, the radio plays what sounds like a country cover of "Hot and Cold", which was made in 2008 and very out-of-place for a kid's show.
Why? Kids listen to crap like that all the time. It was on the radio constantly. It played at my elementary school dance.
I also love the fact that the the author just mentions in passing that it was made in 2008, but the fact that it's in a kid's show strikes them as odd.
February 24th, 2011
I watched Episode 5, which had a few differences from the first four episodes. Firstly, it had Happy on a rustless (but still bent) stick.
They finally worked a new stick into their shit budget.
Secondly, this episode was somewhat disturbing. The theme song played, and the name of the episode is revealed as "Monkey Bar Mishap!”
It started with Happy Appy in his van driving to the playground when he sees a kid crying near some monkey bars. Once he parks the van and goes to the monkey bars, Happy finds out that the kid had fallen off of them, cutting his little finger open. Happy Appy said "What does Jake need to heal with, kids?" He gave off his evil smile at the screen for a couple of minutes
The fact that you actually had the patience to sit there for a couple of minutes is astonishing. I get pissed when my disc glitches for half a second.
, enough time to read a page of a book - preferably the Bible - to him.
And the lord said "how dare you mention me in this piece of dog vomit!"
Are you low-key telling me that your story needs Jesus? It probably does, but not even he could grant it more logic.
Like Nate Needs Help, his soulless baby blue eyes watched over anyone in the room like Big Brother. He said "That's right!" and Happy puts a bandage on Jake's finger. After getting hugged by Jake, Happy drives away in his van. It skipped to Episode 6, which had a better chance of being aired on Wonder Showzen than Nick Jr!
In the episode, called "Never Run with Knives", a kid was running with a knife facing up. The knife was clearly a rubber prop because the blade was flopping around a lot. The kid got ‘cut’, and held his hand over the wound, crying. As blood began to come out of the kid's wound,
Anime style?
Happy parked his van, gave a normal smile, and said "Hey kids, he shouldn't have carried the knife facing up while running!"
Hey kids, he shouldn't have carried the knife while running at all!
However, he did heal him by putting a bandage over the wound. The kid hugged Happy, and he said "Remember kids, never run with knives facing up, or scissors for that matter.
How the hell do you run with scissors facing up? The blades close!
Always walk with knives and scissors facing down!" Happy took the kid to his van, drives off, and the credits played. However, after the credits roll, the episode takes a very disturbing turn when Happy comes back in his van, the kid missing, and says "Hey kids! If you find me and my van, just talk to me and I'll take you away, ha-ha!"
Episode 7 began with Happy on the playground, but he wasn't playing with the kids, or helping them. He was just staring at them, with that unsettling smile I hate so much. A group of kids are playing with jump ropes, when Happy walks over to them. He calmly tells them something, but I could barely hear what he said. From what I heard, I could only make out "Hello... Happy... I... how... me... please?"
Hello, I'm Happy. I don't know how this stupid story stayed on the wiki. Kill me please.
I could see where this was going, as the kids walk with Happy into the bushes of the playground. Loud violent screams are heard for almost a minute and a half, until Happy begins to drag three bloody bodies to his van.
I couldn't believe it.
Why not? You're in a bad creepypasta.
Does the entire DVD play like this or...? Also SCREENSHOTS. They exist! You don't have to find shit! Take a screenshot!
The only photo I could find of Happy's death smile
For the rest of the episode, he does that damn death smile! Why did they use that look so much?You ask this AFTER you see a scene where he murders three kids?
It was almost like he could climb out of your TV, grab you, and murder you slowly and painfully with a rusty knife, but he couldn’t.
Because The Ring already had a copyright claim on that scene.
I moved on to Episode 8 and 9. This time, the episodes were so violent and shoddy that they couldn't have aired on Noggin at all.
Well apparently they didn't considering it was canceled after episode ONE.
Episode 8 had Happy Appy take a kid into his van. For half of the episode, flesh cutting could be heard, and so could loud screaming, which turned into gurgles. As the scene progressed, blood splatters on the windows began to appear. Eventually, Happy emerged from the van, and did a death smile until the end of the show. Like Episode 8, Episode 9 was gory and violent. But this episode was so coincidental and violent that I couldn't believe Noggin would even allow it, unless it was some sort of hijacking.
Oh look, more blood for the sake of blood. I mean-- Aaaaaaa scary...
Coincidental? I'm not sure that was the word you wanted.
It starts out with Happy Appy walking around the playground when two kids ask him what the cycle of life is so that they could complete their homework. He proceeds to tell the kids about the cycle of life in frogs and plants. The kids said "Thanks, Happy! Can you play with us for a bit?" Happy agrees, and they start playing on the playground. When this happens, smoke starts to creep behind Happy and the children.
The parents had lit him on fire like Freddy Kruger.
It gets to a point where they start coughing because of how dense the smoke is, so they turn around to see what was making the smoke. Happy gasps at the sight in front of them.
Why? He's already murdered their friends. Why should he be upset about anything? I mean, he obviously has no concept of the value of life so this shouldn't bother him.
Prepare for the stupidest thing in the world in three... two... one...
Two towers were on fire and were burning up. A few people are falling out of windows to escape the fire. There was a lot of screaming, falling debris, and a crashed airplane in one of the towers. Only the tail of the plane was visible, which was nearing the point of collapse. I could hear a faint whining noise at this point, and I think that it was the plane's engine which was probably still on. Seven seconds later, the tail of the plane finally broke apart, with the largest piece of the tail hitting and killing someone. During this scene, fire trucks could be heard trying to douse out the flames, but it only slows the flames down. The wailing of ambulances could also be heard, taking away the bodies of the people who jumped from the towers. It showed a weird guy on fire falling out of one of the towers, screaming.
"I mean, goddamn! He was on fire and screaming! What a weirdo!"
Happy and the kids are seen again, but this time, they stood still in fear. The smoke kept getting thicker and thicker, slowly obscuring the trees and equipment of the playground. The debris from the towers fell around the kids and Happy, and a person ran up to them and told them to run away from the towers before running off. When the older kid worriedly said "Happy Appy, why are the towers on fire?” it cuts to a higher-up floor that was near where the plane crashed, which revealed a kid that was under a huge piece of concrete, crying for help.
Some other kids tried to help him by lifting the piece of concrete off him. He was screaming so loud, it was almost heartbreaking. There were bodies and blood everywhere, and the pain and fear on the trapped kid’s face was so realistic, I cringed. After the shot with the kid trapped under the concrete, the younger kid turns to the side say “Happy Appy, why are people running and falling from the towers?” Happy Appy turns to the camera, death smile on his face, and very coldly said three words. Those three words will haunt me as long as I research this show.
I THOUGHT HE WAS SCARED AND DISTURBED FIVE SECONDS AGO! THIS GUY CHANGES FLAVORS MORE OFTEN THEN A PACKAGE OF SOURPATCH KIDS!
"That's natural, children."
THE CIIIIIIIIRCLE OF LIIIIIIIIIFE! AND IT MOVES US ALLLLLLLL!
He took the two kids away from the towers, leaving the kid stuck under concrete screaming for help. When the credits rolled, the audio of the scene kept playing, and at the end, before the video cuts out, something collapsed, making a very loud noise that could scare anyone watching.
I jumped out of my seat. Was Happy a death bringer in the form of an apple? Or was he a master predictor? If that episode somehow predicted 9/11, I have to watch Episodes 10 and 11 to see if there was anything else predicted! I might not see any predictions, though, and honestly, I hope not. Oh, and you want to know what happens when someone calls the tsunami aid phone number? Tomorrow, I’m going to go and call it.
Okay, I'm going to address this scene at the very end of the entire review. There was so much stupid and offensive shit in there that if I went on my rant now, it would take forever to get back to the "story".
February 25th, 2011
Hey, I called the 1-800 hotline mentioned on Episode 3. It was a pre-recording, which I will transcribe for you.
"Hello! My name is Happy Appy! I am every kid's most helpful and favorite Apple! If you want to make a donation, press 1. If you want to know about the earthquake, press 2."
So all you'd have to do to set you on track to figure this out was call a 1-800 number? Damn, I always knew there was something wrong with those infomercials...
When I pressed two, the hotline said this.
"An earthquake and tsunami has recently hit Japan, and we need all the help we can get! If you can make a donation of 1, 2, 5, 10, 20, 50, or 100 dollars, you will be a big help! Anyone who donates gets a Happy Appy badge!"
Oh look, there were badges too. Did the producers set this up and print all the badges before they even got the show approved to air? Because that sounds like bad business to me.
So, I went ahead and donated a dollar to the donation for the fun of it by using an outdated bank account that I never used. It responded.
"Thank you for helping with the aid for the Tsunami! Look in your mailbox in a week from now, because you'll get your Happy Appy badge!"
I’m wondering what earthquake Happy predicted. Between 1999 and the current day, there were no 9.0 earthquakes in Japan. Since the 2003 Hokkaido Earthquake was pretty close to when the episode was released, as well as the magnitude mentioned in the radio broadcast, I guess he was predicting about that.
Well why are you wondering? It seems like you've figured it out.
February 27th, 2011
Episode 10 was corrupt, to say the least. It started up, but it had no audio,
and the first part was so badly compressed that it was hardly viewable. The next part was just plain static for the rest of the video.
Then his phone rang and a little girl whispered "seven days".
“Great, a missing episode”, I thought.
A MISSING missing episode? Thats so stu--! I mean-- WHOAAAAAAA!
Episode 11, called "Happy's Trick", was actually watchable.
"Watchable" is a subjective term. The theme song would've rendered it unwatchable to me.
The intro was just some weird, off-beat carnival music, with Happy doing his death smile at the camera.
Fuck, it's Laughing Jack again! I thought I was done with that asshole!
The episode began with him in his van, driving on a winding road. As the episode went on, scars started to appear on his body. Eventually, Happy reached the playground, where many children were at play. He jumped out, looking like he was ready to abduct all of them, and said "Hey kids, who wants to see Happy do a magic trick?"
Like brainwashed zombies, the kids cheered and ran into his van. Happy closes the door and drives away from the playground.
After a few minutes, the van came back, and the side door opened, revealing a motionless and expressionless Happy covered in blood. I couldn't take it anymore. Happy was making me feel extremely nauseous for some reason,
For some reason. He didn't know why.
so I skipped to the end of the episode. From what I saw, the rest of the episode was him watching TV and reading the news, with random zoom-ins at the newspaper. Why, though? I'm guessing that they're predictions like Episode 9, but after that episode, I'm not going to go back and read them.
YOU SAID YOU WERE A FEW PARAGRAPHS AGO!
There was a very brief scene where Happy began to stab a kid, but it quickly cuts out to Happy watching a scene on his TV where the inside of a space shuttle catches on fire! Why the hell does the show keep showing scenes very reminiscent of future disasters? Once I had got to the end of the episode, Happy was holding a knife, covered with blood. The camera began to pan down to a table, which had a hand with cut marks laying on it. What was probably the most unusual thing about this episode happened after this scene. After a few seconds of the credits play, it very suddenly cut to a black screen with text that said;
"If you get these DVDs, I copied the show over to them from whatever master tapes I could find. I wanted to preserve this show so that the last few episodes weren't lost forever. Now you might be wondering one thing; how did Nickelodeon air all of those episodes? I don't know; they just did, that's what. If you want to know more about the show, including its fate, see me.
-KC"
"I don't know. They just did." It translates roughly to "I couldn't think of a reason so have some bullshit."
Thankfully, I had a good grasp on whom the KC most likely was; Kevin Seward Christianson, a friend of mine.
Oh, of course! Because we totally knew you had this friend before he was needed as a plot device!
It wouldn't be out of the question; when I first met him, he did mention something about working with Nickelodeon until the end of the millennium. Wanting to learn more about the show's fate, I went over to his house.
OH LOOK ANOTHER INTERN! HUZZAH!
What happened when I got there was, to put it bluntly, odd.
Because everything else has been so normal.
When I got to his house and rang the doorbell, nobody responded. The door wasn't locked, so I decided to come in the house and see what was going on.
It's not like that was breaking a law or anything. What if he had a gun? How do you know he wouldn't assume you were a thief and unload on your ass like that scene in The Strangers?
I heard a middle-aged woman crying upstairs, so I ran across the living room and up the stairs to see what was going on. Kevin's wife was in their bedroom, crying at a framed portrait of them together. I asked her what had happened to Kevin, and she replied with a very odd answer;
"Last night, someone or something took him away in his sleep.
"They said it was called 'death'."
The police are trying to look for him, but they've come up with nothing, as usual! They've questioned me and searched our house for any evidence, but there's none... except for this scrap of paper."
Damn, the cops have a real reputation for doing absolutely fuck-all in this city...
She reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. I unfolded it, and it revealed itself to be a low-quality photograph of the scarred Happy Appy during the "Natural" scene. While I was at their house, I asked her how those episodes had managed to get aired on Noggin.
"T-this man h-had drugged the producers! He was going to-"
MIND CONTROL DRUGS! OF COURSE! ARE THEY LIKE THE "MENTAL DRUGS" FROM CLOCKWORK?
She only managed to say that much before bursting into tears. I could only think that whoever 'that man' was had kidnapped Kevin on the 26th. After comforting her, I left the Christianson household and walked off. Once I started to get near my house, I was startled by the noise of a gunshot nearby. I instantly ran to my house, fearing that whoever kidnapped Kevin and killed his wife was trying to chase after me. Before I closed the door, I took one last glimpse at the bushes on the other side of the street. In one of them was a mutilated arm, with an unknown figure standing behind it.
So he immediately called the police and reported that there was a crime. Since the arm was mutilated, there was DNA evidence on the bush's leaves, which they immediately took to a lab for identification.
Oh wait, sorry. I was thinking about a story that made sense. My bad.
March 3rd, 2011
Hey, I wanted to know if anyone has any recordings of a Happy Appy episode. If you do, please send me an email containing video of it. You might wonder why I'm asking this. Well, I found my disc in pieces on my desk, and no, I did not save the videos to my laptop. Oddly, the way it was broken was almost like a claw had slashed the disc into thirds. The paper with Happy Appy on it was nearby, with writing that said "No more evidence now, huh?" I wonder who was angry enough to destroy my disc...
Which he also took to the police because it had a connection with a murderer
Thoughts so far: AGHHHHHH! THIS IS SHIIIIIIIIT! AND THIS IS ONLY LIKE ONE FOURTH OF THE ACTUAL STORY! I HAD TO BREAK THE FILE UP INTO THREE PARTS SO IT WOULD BE SMALL ENOUGH TO SAVE TO ST.ASH!
Top Ten Creepypastas (Late)
I really wasn't feeling much like myself last month. I was pulling a hermit thing and being very anti-social. Well, I guess that's about normal by now. It's getting hard to tell if that's just how I am, or if I'm just in a temporary shit mood. I feel like I'm happier than that. I don't know anymore sometimes.
Anyway, you came here for a countdown, not to hear about any personal problems I may or may not be having. I'm happy to oblige because it takes my mind off of things, so here we go. A list of the top ten best creepypastas for your reading pleasure.
10. The Holders Series
For background, The Holders is a series of ritual creepypastas involving a series of steps to claim certain objects. These objects must be kept apart, or else some great, cataclysmic event will befall us.
I enjoy this series for the most part. The fact that many of these were written by different authors is interesting, and allows you to see how creative many individuals can be when they come together. The challenges that face those who seek out the objects are incredibly difficult, which makes it believable that these are things that were never meant to be recovered and potentially come together.
I put this so low on the list because I do have a few issues with the series. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy it, but just because I enjoy something doesn't mean I can't find some problems.
My biggest issue is with the fact that some objects grant the holder some kind of ability once they claim them. Key word: some. I could see why some people would put things on the line to reclaim some of these objects, but others simply fulfill some ambiguous purpose that is only revealed when the time that they all begin to be brought together arrives. I honestly can't see where the risks involved with the challenges would appeal to people if they're not granted something presently. The truth of the matter is that people suck, and they're more likely to pursue something if they're actually getting something out of it. The mental institution setting gets a little repetitive. To claim many of the objects, you're told to go to a mental facility or halfway house. So many are set up like that, it's a bit jarring when you find one that isn't. I'd love to see more variety in the settings of these rituals. The series is over all pretty interesting, and it leaves a lot up to the imagination about exactly what happens when they're brought together. Despite it's flaws, I can find enjoyment in it.
www.theholders.org/?Special:Se…
9. The SCP Series
I'm just going to go ahead and admit that I'm a huge sucker for stories involving secret government operations or conspiracy theories. These stories are VERY easy to screw up and go from intriguing to ridiculous. However, when you get one that manages to hold solidly all the way through, you're in for one hell of a ride. Those stories are the SCP series. If you haven't read these stories yet (though I'm assuming that almost all of you have), you're in for one hell of a ride.
The stories hold on so well because they don't go into detail about the location or teams involved in keeping the SCPs under lock. If they did, it would be easier to question the logic of the system. By leaving these aspects ambiguous, it's harder to question what goes on behind the scenes at the SCP foundation. All we know is that the government tracks down these explainable things, locks them away, and they're creepy as fuck.
www.scp-wiki.net/
8. BEN Drowned
This pasta holds a special place in my heart. BEN Drowned was the first creepypasta I ever read, and unlike something like Squidward's Suicide or Sonic.exe, it's not a first-time creepypasta that I'd think of fondly just because it got me into them. This is a legitimately good story.
The atmosphere is terrific. BEN Drowned is not a typical gaming pasta. I never want to pull my hair out and shout at the main character for never just turning the system off. I never roll my eyes at how stupid the scares are. BEN is a legitimately intimidating character. The reader can clearly see him affecting the main character even when he's not playing the game. It's understandable why the main character continues to play because BEN can affect his life ways that convince him to keep going.
The choice of game is spot on. Majora's Mask isn't something fluffy and charming, nor is it already a horror game. This was an E rated game with the potential to be unsettling, but never too over the top.
Every pasta that uses backwards music owes something to BEN Drowned. The only thing is, BEN Drowned actually made it creepy,
I'm setting this so low on the list, because, while it holds a special place in my heart, I've read things that are more unsettling since. BEN Drowned ends up as number one on almost every Creepypasta list, so I want to mix it up a little.
creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/BEN…
7. Mr Widemouth
Mr. Widemouth is another one you've all probably read before. Because of that, I'll keep this brief. To me, the real creepiness in the story is when the author returns to the house as an adult. It makes you wonder how long Mr. Widemouth has been there, what he is, where he came from. What is his motivation? We don't know, and that's possibly scarier than a detailed backstory.
6. Annie96 is Typing
I'm not going to lie, doppelgangers are one of the few things that scare the absolute shit out of me. It started when I was little and I'd have this recurring dream of going into the living room and telling my dad there was something in my closet. He'd get up and tell me there was nothing there, then I'd go in my room to check things out. After a while, he wouldn't come out, and I'd go into the room to see if he was alright. As soon as I entered the room, there'd be two of him standing there. Then they'd both turn to look at me and I'd wake up.
This story starts off with a boy talking to his friend, Annie, on a chat site. Things take a turn for the creepy when Annie starts messaging him and berating him for messing with her. Upon him asking what she's talking about, she tells him to stop standing in her garden and smiling like that...
5. What You Don't See
This story is only a few sentences long. It'll only take you a couple of seconds to read it, but it's worth it. The less I say about it the better.
I can't find it written anywhere, but there are several YouTube readings of it. I'm afraid I can't go on YouTube on my laptop because of how my internet's set up at home. I won't be able to link it because of that, but if you can look it up on your own time, you won't regret it.
4. Anasi's Goatman Story
I've praised this story a lot in my journals. I love this story. This is one of the few creepypastas that's left me unable to sleep.
People complain about this story having many grammar errors. It does have grammatical issues, but I overlook them for one reason. It makes the story more believable. This is a story supposedly told by a kid who encountered a creature on a camping trip that was more than a little interested in fucking with him and his friends. That's just it, he writes like a he's his age. He doesn't have "eloquent young boy syndrome" that I went on and on about when I reviewed Jeff the Killer. He's just telling his story, regardless of whether or not he gets every little word in place just how it should be.
The goatman itself is very interesting in how it's written. The worst thing it does is eat a hot dog, but it's somehow terrifying. The way it slips in and out of the group unnoticed is pure paranoia fuel.
I love everything about this story. If you haven't read it yet, you need to.
creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Ana…
3. The Showers
Have you ever had that teacher? That one teacher who's cooler than all other teachers. The guy who makes his lessons incredibly fun, isn't afraid to get off topic and converse with his students every so often, and may even toss out a curse word or two? The main character of this story has such a teacher. That teacher is Mr. Mays. One year around Halloween, Mr. Mays decides to share the scariest story he knows with his class. It also happens to be the scariest true experience he's ever had.
It's the story of the showers. It's also the story that leads the main character and his friend to search for the location years later... and ultimately wish they hadn't.
www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comme…
www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comme…
2. Psychosis</u>
This is without a doubt one of my favorites. Seriously, read it. Go right now. I don't even care if you don't finish my list. Read this story.
Psychosis is a story about a man who becomes paranoid that those he's interacting with may not be who they appear to be. He refuses to leave his apartment. He sets up cameras to monitor the hall outside. He's obviously completely nuts.
Isn't he?
creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Psy…
1. Penpal
Before nosleep was invaded by click-bait stories and "My Dog Died and I Think My House is Possessed Part 80", there was 1000vultures and Penpal.
This is one of the scariest stories I've ever read in my life. I won't tell you too much about it. I went into it blind, and I believe that's how it should be read.
A man remembers the footsteps he'd hear at night as a child. He remembers the night he woke up, not in his bed, but out in the woods. From there, memories begin to surface and draw a pattern including a neighbor, a raft, a childhood pet, and seemingly innocent school project that set the horror into motion.
I'm only going to link the first chapter because this story HAS to be read in order. You can find the links to the next chapter at the end of each segment.
Prepare for nosleep to live up to its name.
www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comme…
Just need to get this out of my system
That Moment When...
I remember something about a house. It was a really nice house, and I went there for something. I can't remember what. I didn't know the people who lived there, so I have no idea why I thought it was alright to go in or what I needed.
Then there was something about a kid? Maybe I was babysitting? I don't know. But she really seemed to like me, and we were playing together. Her room was pink. I mean REALLY pink. It was like walking into a My Little Pony. She liked bunnies, there were stuffed bunnies all over the place. She liked High School Musical. To be honest, that should've been my first clue that I was dreaming. Nobody likes High School Musical.
Then there was something about there being a tree house connected to the house. Then I think someone broke in and there was a guy who got hurt. I don't really remember that clearly. I just remember something happening and I was trying to calm the girl down and then I was outside arguing the the paramedics because they didn't think it was serious enough for them to be there.
It was a weird dream.